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On this Christmas morning, do you fret you didn’t choose the perfect present for a loved one? I constantly strive, yet everywhere I turn the suggestions flood in with impractical ideas. No, I don’t want a scented wax with a poultry aroma, because we’ll be cooking turkey. I also don't need a sunrise alarm clock, because I can leave the blinds works just fine. I certainly do not desire a salmon DNA pink collagen jelly mask, because that genetic material comes from fish semen. Were I seeking aquatic semen on my face, I'd simply go fishing.

Finding Inspiration From the Natural World

So if you constantly search for gift ideas, my advice is: take a lesson from wildlife. Humans didn’t invent the act of giving. This tradition has existed for over a hundred million years, well before our species evolved. With a little help by evolution, this has given wild animals plenty of time to master the art of giving. Indeed, some spiders even gift-wrap their offerings!

Leaving out fitness gear and other things I dislike, we can identify five categories of Christmas gift: food, homeware, jewelry, skincare and clothing. The animal kingdom excels in every category.

Food Gifts: High-Protein Treats to Artisan Kebabs

Brazilian cuckoos give their partners nutritious morsels such as insects, frogs and lizards. However, for those who like your meat shished, then look to the great grey shrike, or Lanius excubitor. The males spear their catch, such as bugs and rodents, onto pointed thorns and twigs to create artisan kebabs.

Some insects gift their beaus spitballs, but these aren’t just any spitballs. These represent scorpionfly spitballs, created from only the finest saliva sourced from swollen labial glands of only the fittest males. This offering is packed with nutrients, a key reason why females prefer males with big balls.

Another reason is that the most genetically robust males make the biggest spitballs. By "fit" I am not referring to “looks great in a leather jacket”, although they probably do. I mean “fit” in the genetic sense.

These presents are offered prior to mating, so by choosing the male with the largest gift, the female is also selecting genetic quality. She then consumes the gift while mating but terminates intercourse the moment it’s all gone. Bigger spitballs mean extended mating sessions, during which the male can transfer additional sperm and the female can’t mate with anyone else. This clarifies why he bothers with such an elaborate offering.

Homeware and Bling

These Antarctic penguins do not offer food, but they do present nesting materials. In Antarctica, where they live, there is no a hardware shop, so the birds must gather their offerings from the local landscape. Each breeding season, males collect pebbles to begin constructing their nest. These crucial components are rare, prompting some opportunists to pilfer stones from nearby nests. However, when a male presents a stone to a female, it signals he is ready to commit. Consider it the avian version of an engagement ring. The stone doesn’t go on her finger, though. If she also is interested, she accepts the pebble and places it to the nest. Then, after a few final adjustments, they are ready to start their family.

Speaking of bling, corvids are masters at this gift category. There are many accounts exist of individuals who made friends with wild corvids and then been given bottle tops, fasteners, fastenings and various glittering objects. In one notable case, a couple in Florida were once given a diamond bracelet by a crow they often fed. This is especially charming since, whereas many creatures offer gifts hoping for mating opportunities, crows apparently just enjoy giving.

The Pinnacle of Combination Gift: Sponges

Off the coast of Australia, researchers have observed dolphins collecting pieces of sea sponge from the seabed and utilizing them in fascinating manners. On occasion, when they’re rummaging for fish, they place the sponges on their beak to shield their sensitive snouts. At other times, when males want to court females, they don them as playful headwear before presenting them as presents.

In so doing, dolphins ingeniously merge two final categories of holiday gifts. Sea sponges serve as attire and skin protection. And if that’s not enough, when males present their sponge gifts, they frequently adopt a curved posture and produce a little tune via their blowhole.

This is not the half-arsed giving from pets – like a cat presenting a dead mouse in a hidden spot – or some people. Dolphin gifts are considerate, multipurpose, sustainably sourced and delivered with flair. We can all learn for all of us. A popular song claims that the only desire during the holidays “is you”, but if I have single holiday wish, is to be given a sponge-based headwear and skin guard by a dolphin who serenades me in a stylish manner.